The second week of August, we took a trip to Westcliffe, CO. We began by taking a 12 hour drive to  Horn Creek Family Camp to participate in an Adoptive and Foster Family week of camp. (Scott and I even led worship, but I don’t think that’s well documented – too bad.) All the McClellans had fun meeting other adoptive families and making new friends. Elise wasn’t old enough for white water rafting, but she made up for it by spending her time swinging, riding a pony, going down a waterslide, and bowling. She is ready for another trip….

A dinner conversation…Scott, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, Colorado.” Elise, “Go Colorado tonight?” Scott, “No, tonight take a bath.” Elise, “Take a bath and then Colorado, okay.” Poor baby, maybe she’s just hot. Either way, we have lots of pictures to document our fun, but I won’t overload you with them all at once. Consider this your first installment…

Sometimes I’m a little slow on processing, but when I have had the time, I have had a lot on my mind…

February 27, 2010, was my sister’s baby shower. Five of us worked together to throw a shower and honor this special addition to the family. There was a smorgasbord of food, drinks, hand made decorations, piles of gifts, and supportive friends and family. In the middle of it all was Elise hamming it up. As I looked at her, I couldn’t help but wonder what Elise’s birth mother experienced. Where was her party? Where was her support? And then, I helped the moment pass.

As the party wound down, Elise and I ventured outside. She tottered around pushing her uncles’ childhood car, and I just got to watch and enjoy. I watched her climb over the side instead of using the door, and again I wondered where was her birthmother? Where was her support? Where was her party?

I love Elise. I can’t imagine my life without her. She’s been in our home for only seventeen months, but it seems like she’s always been here. Yet in the midst of my joy and reveling in the life unfolding before me, there’s always a twinge of sadness.

I can’t imagine the personal circumstances that Elise’s birth mother faced. I can’t imagine what went through her mind as she placed her baby girl for adoption. I wish I knew. I wish I could tell her, “She’s safe and loved,” but I can’t. I can only rest in the information we have that shows a loving birth mother, and I’m sorry she didn’t get to keep sharing her love. I’m sorry she and Elise suffered the loss of each other. I’m sorry that we won’t have all the answers for Elise, and that she will have to learn how to accept her story.

But even in the midst of this sadness and grief, I’m so thankful to have my baby girl, Elise. I’m excited to discover her life with her and hope that we can teach her about God’s faithfulness, providence, and compassion. I pray that Elise’s story is one of redemption. And I pray that Elise’s birth mother knows she’s safe and loved because as her mother that’s what I want to know, that she’s safe and loved.

…So in fashion with the way my befuddled mind has kept up with events in the month of May, Happy Belated Mother’s Day Elise An’s birth mom! Thank you for giving me a Mother’s Day.

A week and a half ago, Annie and I were invited to tell our story — Elise’s story — onstage at our church.  Basically, our pastor asked us a few questions toward the end of his sermon. I thought it was quick — four or five minutes — but then I listened to the sermon podcast. It was nine minutes long! I guess time flies when you’re talking about your crazy adoption journey. At the end of the day, after speaking in all three Sunday services at IBC, we were exhausted but grateful for the opportunity.

If you’re interested, you can listen to our nine-minute interview below.

IBC Sunday audio featuring Scott and Annie

One year ago today, we were in Danang, Vietnam meeting Elise, and our lives were forever changed. (Post from December 18, 2008 http://mcclellantown.com/?p=513) It is such a joy to celebrate the beginnings of our family during the Christmas season. And while we don’t know the circumstances that brought Elise into our lives, we are grateful and blessed to be Elise’s parents. We pray that her birth parents know that she is healthy, safe, loved, and definitely spoiled.

Happy baby

A wooden turtle instrument

Books!

Mommy and Elise

So I’m beginning to realize that the McClellan Family doesn’t make sense to people.

This past Saturday we were at the Tapestry Adoption and Foster Care Conference, http://tapestryconference.org. Scott and I were asked to be on the adoptive parent panel. Anytime we get to asked to be a part of something like that, I have to remind myself, “Oh yeah, I’m a parent, and we adopted.” (There are so many times when our differences are not present.) So as we sat answering questions and deflecting our nervousness with humor, we connected to some people – two couples to be exact. Two couples came up to each of us separately and told us that they had decided to only adopt and never try to get pregnant. Two couples is better than none. But there were 100-200 people listening, so that’s only about 2-4%.

I don’t think everyone should be like us, but I hadn’t realized the extent that we stand out. I’ve heard some comments in the past couple days that have shown me that people are still grappling with the reality of my family. Someone may mention money, noting the difference between pregnancy costs and adoption costs followed by the statement, “But she was worth it.” Another person may say, “She’s your daughter. If I didn’t know your story, I would think she’s your daughter. I might wonder about the dad.” Followed by, “Why did you adopt? Because you were not ready to have kids?” My reply, “If we weren’t ready to have kids, we wouldn’t have adopted. We adopted because we felt that God wanted us to start our family through adoption” – silence.

I’ve been reading the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller and a quote from the book is sticking with me.

“Writing a story isn’t about making your peaceful fantasies come true. The whole point of the story is the character arc. You didn’t think joy could change a person, did you? Joy is what you feel when a conflict is over. But it’s conflict that changes a person.”

Our adoption process is the story that changed our lives. It was full of conflict, and it changed us. Now we are privileged to live with the joy the process brought us – Elise. And unless you’ve experienced our story first-hand, it won’t make sense to you, and I’m okay with that.

Our joy

One year ago today, I had finished my first day of school and gone for my usual workout only to be interrupted by a phone call from our agency with the words, “You’ll never believe it but…” I don’t think I’ll ever forget being on the elliptical, listening to Avril Lavigne while watching ESPN debrief Carson Palmer’s bloody nose and its impact on his football season. (His team had a bad season by the way.) This was followed by my hysterical descent down the stairs causing the poor rec center staff to think I was off my rocker, ah the memories. My social worker had to remind me to call Scott, who later tweeted, “So, um, we got matched 2 hours ago. That wasn’t supposed to happen. No guarantees, but here we go. Could fall thru by Sunday.” Thus started the beginning of the end of our fantastic journey to bring Elise home…..Today, I go to work, drop Elise off at school, and wait to see if Elise will display her new found temper tantrum skills when I pick her up. I have no more gym workouts, just sweating it out in the heat with the dog, and I get to see Scott try new things, like giving Elise a haircut. Finally, instead of Avril Lavigne in the background, I have the lull of the white noise machine competing with the TV. Isn’t God amazing? Look what can happen in a year.

(Here’s the link to our old blog http://scottandannie.vox.com/. It has my original post from this day which was very non-specific.)

Elise's referral photo, 2 months old

See what I mean about the giant picture.

http://adoptivedads.org/help-were-adopting/ (This site is also linked under our link section.)

Elise and I went back to school this week. We had a rough start that included Elise throwing her first fit because she didn’t want to leave school on Monday – that was fun. The director of the infant program came down the hall to see who it was and was shocked to find Elise on the floor. Elise needs a lot of sleep, and as I type she’s working on her 13th hour, so hopefully we will have a good weekend.

These are just some pictures of our last days enjoying our summer. There is the park by our house, going to family court, cousin Laura and Hannah coming to visit from Houston (Laura never got in a picture), and she got a late birthday present which she loves. Enjoy and stay tuned for her first haircut pictures. Scott did a great job.

(PS – If you subscribe to Adoption Today, don’t be alarmed by the giant full page picture of us. We are just an example of a family who needs “Help!” someone else wrote the article.)

In a bible study, I came across this sentence, “…a precious little stranger wondrously comprised of the two of them.” The precious little stranger is a new born child in the hands of his or her biological parents. My first thought was I can’t relate or that excludes me from the moment. But it so happens, that after some thought I can relate.

I looked back at our videos from our trip to Vietnam, and I see a different Elise. When placed in my arms for the first time, she was “a precious little stranger wondrously comprised of the two of them (her birth parents).” Elise had (still has) beautiful eyes, skin, full lips, and a petite stature. When she was brought into a new situation, she observed everything in silence, but when she relaxed she had an inherent joy. When she came home and met her dog, she immediately adored him. These are precious gifts from her birth parents, and they were strange and new.

Now, that Elise has been home eight months the lines are beginning to blur, and Elise is a stranger no more. We know her sounds – cries, squeals, and laughter. We see her likes and dislikes. We receive her hugs and kisses. We see she loves books. She wants to be read to and to pour over the pictures herself. We, her mommy and daddy, love to read. She loves to listen to music and even dance a few steps. We, her mommy and daddy, love music, and daddy plays guitar though neither of us can dance. She loves to play with my jewelry and shoes both of which I love, but I also loved to play with my mommy’s things when I was a child. She, of course, loves the iPhone and the laptop as does her daddy. She loves to laugh and be silly, mommy and daddy do too.

Somewhere along the way Elise became comprised of us, too. We don’t share DNA, but we are sharing our lives together as parents and child. Elise is our “precious little stranger wondrously comprised of the two of them (birth parents) AND us.” Thanks be to God.

On Sunday, May 3, a friend of ours preached at his church in Fresno, California. Gary, the friend, had contacted Scott ahead of time to ask if he could share some of our adoption story. Below is the link to Gary’s blog post which includes a link to the Sunday’s sermon. It’s pretty cool that when you follow God other people want to tell about it. Have a listen if you get a chance.

http://www.garymo.com/2009/05/missions-sunday/