A Sermon from My Church

I appreciate what the teaching pastor, Barry Jones, is asking me (and you) to think about as he teaches about Paul and Silas at Philippi from Acts 16:11-40. I think watching the sermon is worth your time…

“The gospel subverts all our sense of superiority. The gospel sustains us in the midst of our suffering. And the gospel compels us to compassion.” — Barry Jones

Another Transition…

Well, we are looking at another transition for my job and Maggie’s schedule, but it should be the last. Last Monday, I interviewed with the Deaf Education Supervisor of a local school district and it went really well. She offered me a full time sub position starting late March and I will be called as needed. The plan is to add another full time teacher for the 2014-2015 school year, so as long as that gets approved and I do well subbing, I will be offered that position as well.

Interestingly enough in my 8 years of teaching experience, I was always in an oral classroom rather than a total communication classroom that used sign language even though I am able to sign. Well this district is total communication, so I will need to brush up on my sign and pray it comes back quickly. And another fun fact is that I will be subbing with a fellow horned frog from the class of 2003. If you go back to teaching after an almost 3 year hiatus, how great is it to go back with a fellow classmate?

I already gave my two weeks notice to my part time job, they were very gracious and understanding. I am thankful they gave me an opportunity when I needed it. And, it was a preschool so Maggie will stay there part time which should help her through this transition since she was already going there one day a week.

Whew, we are looking forward to this being the final transition and warmer weather. We need some more sunshine up here. 🙂

I Read a Book!

 

 

Cold Tangerines is a book written by Shauna Niequist and I loved it. Reading the book felt like having a conversation with Shauna (my husband met her husband so I feel like that means we can use first names) and it was a joy to read someone who was so authentic in her writing.

She talks about family and feeling imperfect and real friendships and where and how God intersects everything. Her words with resonated with me and rather than quoting you the whole book, I will just encourage you to read it for yourself. And I’ll leave you with this one quote:

You are more than dust and bones.

You are spirit and power and image of God.

And you have been given Today. —  Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines

And today I think about a little boy at my new job and I want him to write his story in pencil instead of living what is being penned for him. He needs someone who won’t give up on him; he needs to believe that he is spirit and power and image of God, too. And somehow I keep finding myself in classrooms (just like last spring too) where the adults are done and the child needs someone who believes in him – coincidence?

Changes

As we began the new year, I found myself looking for a new job. Where I had been working had to make some changes including budget cuts and I was one of the cuts. A year ago Scott had been looking for a new job and we thought we had weathered all our changes (new job, buying and selling a house, starting new schools) and were in a new normal, and yet, we found ourselves navigating more change.

So I am a doer and a planner and within 24 hours of beginning my job search I had sent about 5 emails, applied for 2 full time jobs and already had one part-time job offer that I accepted. Neither of the full time jobs worked out for me. I did interview for both and one I bowed out of and the other selected someone else. But I have the part-time job; I do have a job.

This new job has brought confusion to my youngest because she doesn’t understand why her scheduled has changed. And she’s so tired and I wish I could take it all away for her but I can’t. So instead I sit with her while she’s mad at me (even in the middle of the night) and my husband and I try to choose joy even when we are weary of the tantrums. And while this transition is a difficult phase the bottom line is it is a phase.

I am grateful for those people in our life that are being graciously walking through this time with us. I am eager to see what else God has in store for us. And I am learning as Shauna Niequist said in Cold Tangerines that “I should have written in pencil.”

And on a lighter note, during this time I am apparently getting better at putting outfits together. I think people are shocked judging by how many comments I get. 🙂 So humor me as I share this creative outlet with you and find my new normal.

Perceptions

We returned from our July 4th trip to a house that was 86 degrees and climbing – our AC went out. Some neighbors graciously offered to take us in, and so began our four-night slumber party. After our third night, it was Monday and time to take the girls to school. Everyone got dressed and ready and we went about our day.

When I came back to pick up my children, the two year old’s teacher said, “Did you know Maggie had on two right shoes? We tried to put them on the correct feet, but realized she was wearing two right shoes – one size 8 and one size 7.” My response, “Oh, we are staying with the neighbors…she dressed herself.”

Later I thought, why did I say that? Why did I blame the situation? My child? Why did it matter that she wore mixed up shoes and I didn’t notice? But I think felt inadequate. I was afraid of being labeled. After all, how could a mother send her child to school in mismatched shoes and never notice? (Probably because she wasn’t living in her home and was fighting to get the warranty to fix the AC).

But why do I – we – care so much? It’s just a mismatched shoe or crazy outfit or pajamas or messy hair. Or I just rolled out of bed and a hat was better than showing off oily hair.

I’m trying to find the freedom to be me – rushed, forgetful, tired, maybe in need of a shower. And hopefully the people looking at me think – oh, I bet she’s doing the best she can, not, well, she could have at least brushed her and her children’s hair. And hopefully, I stop listening to what I think other people are thinking. Because my kids don’t care; if I wear hat, everyone wants to wear a hat. If I have a ponytail, everyone wants a ponytail. If I’m wearing a dress, everyone wants a dress. And if I have change my outfit 5 times, everyone changes their outfit 5 times. They are the ones watching and emulating me; they are the ones that matter most. So it’s in their best interest for mommy to just be the best mommy that she can be.

So if you see me doing something you wouldn’t, let it be. I’ll get it right the next time. I’m doing the best I can – one day at a time.

Friends

As most of you know, I have two daughters – one we adopted and one is biological – and they are sisters. They play, they fight, they compete, they live life together. And they each have a stuffed animal that is near and dear to their heart.

Elise has claimed “Teddy” as her favorite. She received Teddy on her adoption day here in the US.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maggie has claimed a bunny and blanket (they used to be one piece and now are two) – ni-night and blankey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Teddy and ni-night are friends. Ni-night likes to give Teddy kisses. Something about the interaction between two stuffed animals touches my heart. I am thankful that my girls accept each other and that it extends to their stuffed animals – that they act out being friends through pretend play, too.

Now I know that they are only 2 and 5 and have many years and joys and fights ahead of them, but for now I want to savor these moments.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hope that as they grow up together, they can keep finding common ground. That they can accept and celebrate each other’s differences. That they will embrace who God has made them. That they won’t worry if they both excel in different areas. That will still be each other’s friend.

And I think that in that not so distant future, it will be I holding tight to Teddy and ni-night as they chase their dreams.

 

 

Making Space

This post originally appeared on tapestryministry.org on March 26, 2013.

I am in a season of my life where I feel like I don’t have time to think. Between work, family, errands, friends, church, and taking care of our girls, it seems like we’re always on the go. Oh, and did I mention that we’re in the process of moving too? The last couple months have been a blur.

It’s a season so I know it won’t last forever, but right now every moment feels over-packed, and I can’t find a sliver of space. Of course, the irony is that it’s times like these when we as parents need space the most. We need time to stop, reflect, think, rest, and re-focus.

It might feel selfish to talk about what we need, about making space for ourselves, when our families are so dependent on us to have it all together. But the truth is that we’re in no position to care for our children if we’re not caring for ourselves. So in this intense season of my family’s life, when time is at a premium, I owe it to myself and my family to make space.

So if you’re feeling like me, find the time pause, re-focus, and take care of yourself so that you can better take of your family.

 

 

Good or Bad

This post originally appeared on tapestryministry.org March 19, 2013.

My husband started reading Daring Greatly by Brené Brown, and he shared this quote with me:

When it comes to parenting, the practice of framing mothers and fathers as good or bad is both rampant and corrosive — it turns parenting into a shame minefield. The real questions for parents should be: “Are you engaged? Are you paying attention?”

Have you had these thoughts? Do you dwell on whether or not you have been a good mother or father? I have, and it’s a slippery slope.

“Good” and “bad” are judgments we make about how we’re performing. If we don’t feel we’re performing well, we can spiral into shame. We can doubt whether or not we’re enough. What Brown is advocating is not performance, but rather presence. We don’t have to be consumed with being good — we can just focus on being there.

If you find yourself weighing your “goodness” as a parent, take a moment, stop yourself, and engage with your children.

Trying Compassion

I have gone back to work. After 20 months at home with my girls, my former school contacted me and asked me to come back to help them finish out this school year.

It was weird to walk back into a building and rooms I hadn’t seen since May 2011. And then I met my students. I had already heard about one student. (That’s just the way it goes in schools – you always hear about the most difficult ones first.) But I had resolved to form my own opinions.

And I think that this student needs to feel like someone is on his side, like he’s receiving compassion. So I remembered what I’ve been trying to implement with my own children and transferred this to my classroom.

When there’s a problem, I stay. When the child runs, I follow, and I tell him how I feel. I tell the child that it scares me and it’s not safe when he runs away and that I need to keep him safe. I am consistent. I speak with a soft voice. I communicate that I care.

It’s exhausting.

And after a difficult time, I ask the child for a hug. I tell him that hugs make me feel better. I encourage him. I look at the same dinosaur book over and over and over again. When we are waiting for the bus, I ask him to sit in my lap and we sing all the songs he asks for. I try to give him nurture. I try to be the teacher I want my children to have.

I am not saying I’m perfect — that’s not why I tell you what I’m doing. I guess I am saying that what Dr. Karyn Purvis teaches works. It doesn’t guarantee perfection or problem free days, but I know that I am building a relationship, one that I hope will teach him that he can trust me. I hope that he learns to use his voice, to know I am on his side, and that I will help him get his needs met. And I have hope that he will learn that other people can help, too.

I am glad that our adoption journey has introduced us to Dr. Karyn Purvis and Empowered to Connect. If you haven’t checked out Empowered to Connect’s resources, today is a great day to start doing that.

 

*This post originally appeared on tapestryministry.org

Shame & Grace

At the 2012 Tapestry Adoption and Foster Care Conference, I picked up the book Shame and Grace: Healing the Shame We Don’t Deserve by Lewis B. Smedes. We have had enough moments in our parenting with our children to wonder how this whole idea of shame is affecting us. The more I read this book the more convinced I become that shame is something my family needs to be more conscious of. Smedes describes shame this way:

“To begin with, shame is a very heavy feeling. It is a feeling that we do not measure up and maybe never will measure up to the sorts of persons we are meant to be…The feeling of shame is about our very selves – not about some bad thing we did or said but about what we are. It tells us that we are unworthy. Totally.”

Reading those words breaks my heart and makes me want to not contribute to those feelings. Smedes goes on to describe how shame is different from guilt, frustration, and other emotions. He identifies groups that he thinks are more susceptible to unhealthy shame like “compulsive comparers and approval addicts.” He points out a difference between unhealthy and healthy shame. He suggests religious, cultural, and parental influences that can make us feel shame. And he talks about the shame that comes from the pain of rejection. He says,

“To be disgraceful is to be weighed and found unacceptable to those whom we need to most accept us. It is, in short, to be despised and rejected by our own.”

That last phrase, “…rejected by our own..,” has really stuck with me and so have terms like “compulsive comparers and approval addicts.”  Everything I have read so far is causing me to be more thoughtful and careful with my words to my children and my husband. I think my oldest daughter feels hurts that I can’t imagine, and she needs me to be sensitive to her even when I think what I am asking or saying is trivial because it’s not to her. Everyhing I say to her and do with her is meaningful.

So as I continue to delve into this book, I am glad to have the opportunity to attend Tapestry’s Large Group Event: The Shame in Us:

Adoptive and foster parents are often surprised to learn that shame is a significant issue in the lives of their children…as well as in their own lives.  But parents and children are not without help or hope in the face of shame.  Melanie Chung-Sherman and Michael Monroe will discuss how shame impacts both children and parents in adoptive and foster families, and will provide practical insights and tools to help parents and children overcome shame and strengthen their connection.

I hope to see you at this event, but if you can’t attend the Large Group Event this Saturday, January 26 from 6:30 – 8:30 pm at Irving Bible Church, then I encourage you to check Lewis B. Smedes’s book Shame and Grace. I hope you will find it as insightful as I have.

 

*This post originally appeared on tapestryministry.org.