Originally posted May 11, 2008 on our old Vox blog.
So I wrote these thoughts before the beginning of our festive weekend…
So, the month of May is a pretty big month for my family this year of 2008. I have four birthdays, one graduation, and two mother’s day cards to buy. I’m not really fond of the sappy cards. I usually buy something poking fun at the intended receiver.
As I perused, the card aisles at Target, I notice the Mother’s Day cards. One that particularly caught my eye was the Mother-to-Be card. What graphic do you think is on the card? The silhouette of a pregnant woman. Two years ago, this site would not have phased me, however, since the Mother’s Day of 2006, my husband and have been on an adoption journey.
On this adoption journey, we have become involved with a group called Tapestry. Tapestry is an adoption ministry at our church, Irving Bible Church. One of the small groups I have become involved with is the Moms and Moms-to-Be group. One night in April, we discussed the upcoming event of Mother’s Day. Another mother-to-be and I realized that we were not the social norm of a mother-to-be, which could be awkward on Mother’s Day.
Some churches have their mothers and mothers-to-be stand up. The pregnant mothers are obviously mothers-to-be, but what about me? Do I have the right to stand up? I quickly mouthed off at my mother’s group that I would stand up and show off my flat stomach, but would I really? How many people would look at me? How many people would think I just wasn’t showing yet? Who would actually buy me a mothers-to-be greeting card?
These are the questions I have as Mother’s Day approaches. I don’t know really know how to act on this day. I know what I feel in my heart, but I also know what the established social norms are—the greeting cards say it all. So what is appropriate? I know what I am—a mother-to-be—but what does the world think I am? Does their opinion even matter?
Let me make it clear, I am not looking for sympathy or gifts. I’m just thinking out loud, so anyway…
Now, today is Mother’s Day. We have already celebrated two birthdays, one graduation, and one mother. We are on our way to celebrate another birthday and another mother. Our house was party central this weekend. Anyway, on Friday, a co-worker was telling everyone to have a Happy Mother’s Day. She looked at me and said, “Well, you’ll be a mother in the future,” which felt a little bit like acknowledgment. We also asked for an update from our agency on Friday. Our social worker went from feeling “cautiously optimistic” to “optimistic.” She now thinks we were right to “hang in there” and wait on Vietnam. I’m glad she is back on our side. 🙂 It was encouraging to get a positive note from our social worker. Then, I came home and watched the end of the Ellen Show. I was a little jealous that she had filled her entire audience with pregnant, expecting mothers, and they kept getting free stuff. I would love some free stuff from Ellen. Maybe I should write her a letter like I wrote the Associated Press, she’s probably friendlier. 🙂
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