This post originally appeared on Tapestry’s website on June 25, 2013.
In our first home we had a carbon monoxide detector that plugged in to an outlet and was easily knocked out of the wall. When it was knocked out of the wall, it emitted a continuous obnoxious beep until it was plugged in again and reset. All you cared about was stopping the shrill sound and later figuring out what happened and who might be responsible. And we always plugged the carbon monoxide detector back into the same spot; we never moved it away from a high traffic area to cut down on the possibility of knocking the carbon monoxide detector off the wall. We focused on stopping the shrill continuous obnoxious beep; we focused on the quickest fix.
Sometimes our children are the ones emitting the shrill continuous obnoxious sound, and we may do whatever it takes to pacify them, to just get them to stop, and then get mad at what or whoever set them off. We may even try to ignore the sound though that could prove pretty difficult. I suggest that we focus on the shrieking behavior that we want to stop instead of the perceived instigator.
Try the IDEAL response mentioned in yesterday’s post.
IDEAL stands for:
I – Immediate
D – Direct
E – Efficient
A – Action-based
L – Leveled at the behavior (not the child)
Last night my two year old received new panties, and we disagreed on what to do with them. She screamed and stomped her feet because she wanted to wear her panties to bed, and I said no because we needed to put on a diaper. But I remembered that in the IDEAL response, Dr. Purvis talks about giving your child voice and levels of response, so though my two year old may not fully understand compromise or making a deal. I introduced it. I said, “Do you want to make a compromise?” which she said no because she’s two and in the no phase. But I said, “How about we make a compromise, make a deal and put your panties on over your diaper for bed time.” And she said, “yes,” screaming, tears, and stomping stopped and bedtime routines happily continued.
And in the grand scheme of things did it really matter if she wore her panties to bed? No, it mattered that she learned she had a voice and could ask for things instead of screaming and stomping. So give the IDEAL response a try, you may be surprised at how your children respond.
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