What Is That To You?

This post originally appeared on Tapestry’s website May 7, 2013.

I am a teacher, a special education teacher. I understand that each child is unique. I am an adoptive parent. I have been through Empowered to Connect Parent Training classes. I understand that there are different ways to relate to my children. And yet, I found myself sitting through a kindergarten round-up wishing my credentials were flashing over my head instead of the wriggly, talking child.

I looked around and saw each child sitting still, each child doing exactly what their parent asked – except mine. I only saw children too young to be in school not sitting and talking. The first question I wondered is, “How am I not getting a call from the Mother’s Day Out program every day?” And my next thought was that parents were watching and labeling me as an inadequate parent; my child varied between doing the fetal position in her chair, falling out of her chair, and whispering non-stop questions and comments – it was maddening to me. In reality was anyone paying close attention to me and my child in the back row? Probably not, but I felt very acutely the embarrassment of a teacher and trained parent with a child who wouldn’t listen, who wouldn’t conform.

Then on Sunday, this passage from John 21:20-22 was read:

“Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them … When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want John to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’ “

And our pastor, Andy McQuitty, asked the question, “What is that to you?” So I asked myself — What is it to you if your child is the one wriggling in their seat asking nonstop questions? What is it to you if you are a teacher and your kid struggles more than others in school? What is it to you what the other kids are doing?

Forget the others. What does your child need?

My child needed to know the plan. My child needed me to set expectations of what was going to happen at kindergarten round-up. My child needed me to explain what was going on again because she wasn’t getting it. My child needed me to focus on her and stop worrying about what all the other children and parents were doing.

So, I wonder, does comparison ever do a number on you? If so, what does that comparison cause you to miss?